RIP to a mate of mine,
his wife sent him out to get some sewing thread but ended up in the pub all day.
Gone but not for cotton
I've just tried a new deodorant. It's marketed on a Fred Flintstone theme
A little dab'll do
There was a performer called Liszt
Each time he did play he was piŁŁed.
Apparent to all
Who sat in the hall
And so it was right they all hissed.
Guess what the identification number of the most prolific CEO is who works in Tooting?
2820
The Bunny and the Snake.
Once upon a time, allegedly, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake.
By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.
One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.
"Oh, my," said the bunny,
"I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."
"It's quite OK," replied the snake.
"Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out >what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you.."
"Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."
"Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me."
So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no ears, no backbone and no balls.
I'd say you must be either a team leader or possibly someone in senior management".
was the snake called Kier?
A man from Windsor goes to Pizza Express in Woking and orders a Pizza Royale, with peppercorn. Upon attacking the peppercorn, he cannot help but sneeze and breaks out into a sweat. The resultant indigestion necessitated a stiff dose of Andrews Liver Salts.
Betty went to the cemetery every day in her village to water the flowers on the grave of her deceased husband Harry.
When she was finished she always walked backwards when leaving the grave!
One day her friend Leila asked, 'Betty why do you always leave the cemetery walking backwards?'
Betty answered, 'When Harry was alive he always told me 'You have got such a great ass; it could bring a dead man back to life!'... I'm not taking any chances!'
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