Author Topic: Humour thread  (Read 20004 times)

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Re: Humour thread
« Reply #15 on: »
The fact that some people do not know the difference between entomology and etymology bugs me in ways that I cannot put into words.

I went to see my doctor to complain about buzzing in my ear. But, he said that it was just a bug going around.
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How do we get more people to fight their PCNs?

https://www.ftla.uk/the-flame-pit/how-do-we-get-more-people-to-fight-their-pcns/msg41917/#msg41917

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Re: Humour thread
« Reply #16 on: »
Now that Amazon have taken over the 007 franchise, I suggest that Mr Bezos plays Blofeld and that 007 marries Wonder Woman in the next film.
« Last Edit: February 28, 2025, 08:26:04 pm by Hippocrates »
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How do we get more people to fight their PCNs?

https://www.ftla.uk/the-flame-pit/how-do-we-get-more-people-to-fight-their-pcns/msg41917/#msg41917

If you do not even make a challenge, you will surely join "The Mugged Club".

I am not omniscient. cp8759 and mrmustard are true geniuses. I know my place in the hierarchy of The Three Musketeers. 😊 "The Clinician", "The Gentleman" and "The Showman"

My e mail address for councils:

J.BOND007@H.M.S.S.c/oVAUXHALLBRIDGE/LICENSEDTOEXPOSE.SCAMS.CO.UK

Last mission accomplished:

https://www.ftla.uk/the-flame-pit/southwark-to-r

Re: Humour thread
« Reply #17 on: »
Victor was 4 years old and was staying with his grandfather for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked,
'Grandpa, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?'
His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth.
'Well, Victor, it's called sexual intercourse.'
'Oh,' Little Vic said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandpa, it isn't called sexual intercourse.

It's called Bunk Beds.


And Jimmy's mum wants to talk to you!
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Re: Humour thread
« Reply #18 on: »
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https://www.ftla.uk/the-flame-pit/moving-traffic-pcns-missing-mandatory-information-the-london-local-authorities-a/msg102639/#msg102639


How do we get more people to fight their PCNs?

https://www.ftla.uk/the-flame-pit/how-do-we-get-more-people-to-fight-their-pcns/msg41917/#msg41917

If you do not even make a challenge, you will surely join "The Mugged Club".

I am not omniscient. cp8759 and mrmustard are true geniuses. I know my place in the hierarchy of The Three Musketeers. 😊 "The Clinician", "The Gentleman" and "The Showman"

My e mail address for councils:

J.BOND007@H.M.S.S.c/oVAUXHALLBRIDGE/LICENSEDTOEXPOSE.SCAMS.CO.UK

Last mission accomplished:

https://www.ftla.uk/the-flame-pit/southwark-to-r

Re: Humour thread
« Reply #19 on: »
IF YOU RECEIVE A MOVING TRAFFIC PCN PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE MAKING A REPRESENTATION:

https://www.ftla.uk/the-flame-pit/moving-traffic-pcns-missing-mandatory-information-the-london-local-authorities-a/msg102639/#msg102639


How do we get more people to fight their PCNs?

https://www.ftla.uk/the-flame-pit/how-do-we-get-more-people-to-fight-their-pcns/msg41917/#msg41917

If you do not even make a challenge, you will surely join "The Mugged Club".

I am not omniscient. cp8759 and mrmustard are true geniuses. I know my place in the hierarchy of The Three Musketeers. 😊 "The Clinician", "The Gentleman" and "The Showman"

My e mail address for councils:

J.BOND007@H.M.S.S.c/oVAUXHALLBRIDGE/LICENSEDTOEXPOSE.SCAMS.CO.UK

Last mission accomplished:

https://www.ftla.uk/the-flame-pit/southwark-to-r

Re: Humour thread
« Reply #20 on: »
Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Sil.

Sil who?

Silhouette.
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How do we get more people to fight their PCNs?

https://www.ftla.uk/the-flame-pit/how-do-we-get-more-people-to-fight-their-pcns/msg41917/#msg41917

If you do not even make a challenge, you will surely join "The Mugged Club".

I am not omniscient. cp8759 and mrmustard are true geniuses. I know my place in the hierarchy of The Three Musketeers. 😊 "The Clinician", "The Gentleman" and "The Showman"

My e mail address for councils:

J.BOND007@H.M.S.S.c/oVAUXHALLBRIDGE/LICENSEDTOEXPOSE.SCAMS.CO.UK

Last mission accomplished:

https://www.ftla.uk/the-flame-pit/southwark-to-r

Re: Humour thread
« Reply #21 on: »
Paddy is 85 and lives in a Senior Citizens Home. Every night after dinner he goes to a secluded garden behind the home to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mary, age 82, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed.

After a short lull in their conversation, Paddy turns to Mary and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?"

She asks, "What?''

"Sex." he replies.

Mary exclaims, "Why you old toot. You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!"

"I know," says Paddy, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while."

"Well, I can oblige," says Mary, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.

Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mary would hold Paddy's thingie.

Then one night Paddy didn't show up at their usual meeting place.

Alarmed, Mary decided to find him and make sure he was O.K.

She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Paddy's's little pal!

Furious, Mary yelled, "You two-timing son-of-a-gun!! What does Ethel have that I don't have?"



Old Paddy smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's"
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Re: Humour thread
« Reply #22 on: »
THE HUMAN BRAIN
 
the human brain is an amazing organ
it works continuously
24 hours a day
7 days a week
52 weeks of the year
from before leaving the womb
right up till you
vote Labour
Quote from: andy_foster
Mick, you are a very, very bad man

Re: Humour thread
« Reply #23 on: »
My wife and I decided we didnt want children
it was a difficult decision but we are telling them tonight.
Quote from: andy_foster
Mick, you are a very, very bad man
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Re: Humour thread
« Reply #24 on: »
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the M25 near London.  Nothing was moving.  Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped all members of Parliament, and they're asking for a £100 million ransom.  Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire.  We are going from car to car, collecting donations."
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks.





The man replies, "Roughly a litre."
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Re: Humour thread
« Reply #25 on: »
My great grandad had a terrible accident.
He was up on some scaffolding, when it gave way & he fell through.
He would have broken both legs if it hadn't been for that rope around his neck!  ;D
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"They shoot horses, don't they?"

Re: Humour thread
« Reply #26 on: »
I was getting ready for a video hearing the other day last week - wash hair and a shave.

Suddenly, as I looked in the mirror, I realised I was getting old - I almost shampooed my hair with mouthwash.


Afterthought: today I ran out of shampoo so went to the Barbers to have all my hair cut off. Now I do resemble Blofeld and can swim faster.
« Last Edit: April 15, 2025, 08:46:17 pm by Hippocrates »
IF YOU RECEIVE A MOVING TRAFFIC PCN PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE MAKING A REPRESENTATION:

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How do we get more people to fight their PCNs?

https://www.ftla.uk/the-flame-pit/how-do-we-get-more-people-to-fight-their-pcns/msg41917/#msg41917

If you do not even make a challenge, you will surely join "The Mugged Club".

I am not omniscient. cp8759 and mrmustard are true geniuses. I know my place in the hierarchy of The Three Musketeers. 😊 "The Clinician", "The Gentleman" and "The Showman"

My e mail address for councils:

J.BOND007@H.M.S.S.c/oVAUXHALLBRIDGE/LICENSEDTOEXPOSE.SCAMS.CO.UK

Last mission accomplished:

https://www.ftla.uk/the-flame-pit/southwark-to-r

Re: Humour thread
« Reply #27 on: »
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating straight away.

"Jonny, wait until we've said our prayer," his mother reminded him.

"I don't have to." - the little boy replied.

"Of course you do." – his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at our house."

“That's at our house,” Johnny explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."

Re: Humour thread
« Reply #28 on: »
Operation Kit Kat

IF YOU RECEIVE A MOVING TRAFFIC PCN PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE MAKING A REPRESENTATION:

https://www.ftla.uk/the-flame-pit/moving-traffic-pcns-missing-mandatory-information-the-london-local-authorities-a/msg102639/#msg102639


How do we get more people to fight their PCNs?

https://www.ftla.uk/the-flame-pit/how-do-we-get-more-people-to-fight-their-pcns/msg41917/#msg41917

If you do not even make a challenge, you will surely join "The Mugged Club".

I am not omniscient. cp8759 and mrmustard are true geniuses. I know my place in the hierarchy of The Three Musketeers. 😊 "The Clinician", "The Gentleman" and "The Showman"

My e mail address for councils:

J.BOND007@H.M.S.S.c/oVAUXHALLBRIDGE/LICENSEDTOEXPOSE.SCAMS.CO.UK

Last mission accomplished:

https://www.ftla.uk/the-flame-pit/southwark-to-r

Re: Humour thread
« Reply #29 on: »
Back in the days of the Wild West, cowboys on the range would hang a lantern on their saddles to help them find their way home. One of the earliest known examples of saddlelight navigation.
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