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This is the story of Sonia Snell.
to whom an accident befell.
It happened as it does to many
That Sonia went to spend a penny.
And entered in, with modest grace
The properly appointed place.
Provided at the railway station.
And there she sat in meditation
Unfortunately unacquainted that
The woodwork had been newly painted
Which made poor Sonia realise
Her inability to rise
and though she struggled pulled and yelled
she found that she was firmly held.
Her cries for help soon quickly brought
A crowd of every kind and sort
who stood around and feebly sniggered
But all they said was " I'll be jiggered
The station master and his staff
were most polite and did not laugh.
They tugged at Sonia's hands and feet
But could not shift her off the seat.
A carpenter arrived at last
and finding Sonia still stuck fast
Remarked, " I know what to do"
and neatly sawed the seat in two.
An ambulance then came down the street
and bore her off complete with seat.
To Take that wooden bustled girl
of quickly to the hospital
Where taking her by feet and head
they laid her face down on the bed.
The doctors all then gathered round
A surgeon looked said " I'll be bound
Have any of you I implore
Seen anything like this before.
"Yes" said a student unashamed
"Frequently, but never framed -
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People always ask me why I wear binoculars in bed when on holiday in Greece. The answer is simple: so as to make it easier to zap the mosquitoes.
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My doctor says I am allowed to eat Emmental cheese when on a diet - provided I eat only the holes.
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I was prompted to resurrect this thread and make it a sticky by a comment in a report from a member concerning another member who had what can be best described as a "toys out of pram" moment. I won't name the author, or the culprit, but leave it up to the author to take credit if he so chooses. That option is no longer open to the culprit.
I don't know whether it is actually all that funny, or whether it was just the frame of mind I was in when this delightfully understated comment popped up in my email - much like when a High Court judge makes an off the cuff comment during solemn proceedings, but either way, it brightened up my evening.
"I think this OP should be requested to find another forum more to his liking" -
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The relevant maxim: let's not take ourselves too seriously.
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My 70th: https://youtu.be/PBtLeVClou0
I do hope there is one Adjudicator who, when he retires, may work with me; but, I am two years older than he.
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Okay then, as nobody else wishes to share jokes with me et alia, here is another one:
What's the difference between an entomologist and an etymologist?
Short answer: a typo.
Real answer: the former watches Spiderman movies while the latter watches Countdown! Suzie Dent in Dictionary Corner.
She is a lexicographer. I am glad I got the first letter right! -
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The fact that some people do not know the difference between entomology and etymology bugs me in ways that I cannot put into words.
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A hotel guest calls the front desk from his room on the eighth floor.
The call is picked up by the clerk on the reception desk.
The clerk answers,
"May I help you?"
The man says,
"Yes, I'm in room 858"
"You need to send someone to my room immediately"
"What seems to be the problem sir?"
Asks the clerk,
"I'm having an argument with my wife and she's threatening to jump out of the window."
The desk clerk calmly says,
"I'm very sorry to hear that sir, but that's a personal matter."
The man replies,
"Listen you idiot, the window won't open... and that's a maintenance matter!" -
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The fact that some people do not know the difference between entomology and etymology bugs me in ways that I cannot put into words.
Jeff Goldblum had dinner with Suzie Dent one evening. He had a fly in his soup and she had a bookworm in hers. -
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Two lawyers walk into a pub. They order a couple of drinks and take their sandwiches out of their briefcases and then they begin to eat them.
Seeing this, the angry publican exclaims, “Excuse me, but you can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!”
The two lawyers look at each other, shrug their shoulders, and then exchange sandwiches. -
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Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm a Gemini,
And so am I.
Happy Valentine's Day -
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There was this poor chap who suffered continuously with an awful pain in his right shoulder. This affected his work and his marriage.
He tried absolutely all channels of medical exploration to no avail: the GP, the physiotherapist and, as a last resort, an expensive osteopath, by which time his marriage was over and he was about to lose his job.
His one last hope was, as the osteopath advised, to see a chiropractor. The man replied: "You must be joking. I can't afford the flight!" -
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