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To advise we'll obviously need to see your defence, and the particulars of claim to which you were responding.

Likewise any background to the case and any pre action correspondence (incl. Initial notices, any appeals etc.).

This might not be the case, but from the wording of that strike out order, it seems you may have copied and pasted someone else's defence rather than writing one that specifically responds to the claim.

We need the background to this, your story and the original Notice to Keeper, if you want help with the construction of a defence deemed more acceptable and appropriate to your circumstances.
Your problem seems to be that your original defence was copied from here, and may be applicable, but is vague and not specific to your circumstances.
It’s always the problem with “templates” which some people seem to demand. In your case it looks like you did some research first.

It is certainly true that the Particulars of Claim are woeful and do not meet the requirements of the pre-action protocols. But in this case the court has decided that this point is not sufficient for a defence.

That appears to be a covering letter from the courts, not a Notice to Keeper.