Please remove every occurrence of the word "offence" from your WS. No "offence" was ever committed and by calling it that, you are giving a legitimacy to VCS that is wholly undeserved. Only an "authority" such as the police or a council have any "authority" to issue fines or penalties for "offences". You must get the notion that this is any form statutory offence out of your head. This is a simple matter of contract law for an alleged debt.
I am confused as to why Excel Parking is being mentioned. Whilst both Excel and VCS are sister companies, each is registered separately and the "contract" can only be with one of those two companies. As far as I am aware, it is the VCS name on any signage at EMA. This needs clarifying before submitting any WS.
Providing the evidence that you were not the driver and obviously you were not the keeper of the vehicle is very good. However, going on about the LoC and the issuance of the NtH is not really necessary. If you are going to use the woefully inadequate PoC, then by all means reference them but be careful that you don't overplay that hand if you are able to provide a defence of all the points.
Follow these guidelines for formatting your WS:
Witness Statements - Justice.gov.ukIf you really want to get into the nitty gritty of how a WS should be formatted, have a read of this from paragraph 17 onwards:
Practice Direction 32 = EvidenceJust start with something along the lines of "I am [name] of [address]. I am the Defendant and this is my Witness Statement." Then go on to tell your story of the events surrounding the allegation made against you and why the claim should not succeed.
As this is a WS, you will need the same headers as for any defence except change "Defence" to "Witness Statement". You should provide a list of all exhibits on a separate page and they should all be numbered XX[your initials] eg, if you are Joe Bloggs, each exhibit is numbered (and referenced in the WS as JB01, JB02 etc. Refer to paragraphs 18.3 and 18.4 in the Practice Directions referenced above for how you should reference the exhibits in your WS.
Also, every paragraph must be numbered sequentially.
Signs it off with a Statement of Truth as follows: "I believe that the facts stated in this witness statement are true. I understand that proceedings for contempt of court may be brought against anyone who makes, or causes to be made, a false statement in a document verified by a statement of truth without an honest belief in its truth." The Statement of Truth does not need a paragraph number. You should sign it by typing your name and date under it.
I think you also need to refer to Volkswagen Financial services as VWFS as that is how they tend to refer to themselves. Explain how PoFA refers to what VCS calls a "Charge Notice" and "Hirer Notification" as a "Notice to Hirer (NtH)". By using the word "charge" and "notice", they are attempting to fool anyone who is not aware that they have issued a penalty for a statutory offence".
So. please go back to the drawing board and show us how you intend to present your WS with the necessary alterations remembering not to refer to the alleged breach of contract as an "offence".